Speculation and rumours abound in the financial markets this evening. An unconfirmed report from a trusted source advised this reporter that Cows Go Boom Limited has made a takeover bid for Kiwi Battlefield Technologies. In what was initially thought of as a hostile takeover bid, but may now be more of a merger, the owner and Chair of the board of Cows Go Boom @Eagle 1-1 | Hairy 🦅 would neither confirm nor deny the rumours, citing commercial confidentially.

Owner and Chief of Research of Kiwi Battlefield Technologies @KIWI 6-1 | Big Al The Kiwi was freer with commentary fuelling speculation there may well be something to the rumours. @KIWI 6-1 | Big Al The Kiwi said there were definitely benefits to both companies if a merger were to come about. “Just think about the impact on the modern-day battlefield if both exploding cows (as so successfully deployed in the Cyprus Emergency) and the yet to be released “Baaabara, the anti-personnel sheep” were deployed? Wow that’s a mind-blowing idea!”

What this may mean for the current conflict in the Persian Gulf is unclear. Both the Coalition and Iranian forces seem very evenly matched, with towns and territories being won and lost many times over the last two months. The Iranian Minister for Conflicts and Liberation, Ima Nutter, said there was no truth to the rumours and the support provided by Kiwi Battlefield Technologies, contracted to Her Imperial Highness Empress Jazzinder the First on behalf of the Nu Zullend Defence Force, was totally un-impacted. “That the Kiwi’s may return to the Coalition is totally fake news! So fake it is not even news, it is an untruth and must be dismissed immediately”. He went on to say there were no strains to the relationship with the contracted forces, despite reports the Kiwis were “pretty pissed that we can’t get pissed in this dry country”. Kiwi Battlefield Tech spokesperson General Lee Competent was reported as saying “this place is a joke! When they said we were heading into a dry zone we all thought it meant hot and lacking in rainfall – not this crazy no drinking allowed bollacks!” This reporter did find a number of the Kiwis hiding in the only pub in the Omani city of Kasab prior to the city falling to the red forces. That may have occurred so the Kiwis could allow for an urgent air bridge to deliver more booze…

From the Irish Pub, Kasab, this is Dogs Barkalot for CNN…